International journalist: “Hi, I’m writing a story about how the National Salvation Front (NSF) is increasingly divided and will probably lose badly in the upcoming elections. Care to comment?”

NSF spokesperson: “Absolutely… let me go on-the-record and explain in detail how idiotic, childish, petty and divided we are… We will most certainly lose badly because all of our leaders are egomaniacs more interested in squabbling over narrow-minded ideologies than actually winning. And despite President Morsi’s rising unpopularity and Egypt’s struggling economy we don’t even have an economic message… I mean, why bother? As I said, we are going to lose, so what’s the point? Anything else?”

Go ahead, read the Washington Post’s “In Egypt, coalition of groups opposed to Islamists is fracturing” and tell me how that’s not their collective defeatist answer.

It’s as if the various NSF members were competing against each other in a new game show called “Who wants to be a political moron?” where contestants win by conjuring up dumbest quotes possible:

The Egyptian leftists, who oppose the government’s efforts to secure a $4.8 billion loan from the International Monetary Fund, say they don’t want the liberal capitalists on their electoral ticket.

Yeah, keep your pouty lefty faces on and let Egypt’s really dominant liberal capitalists – the Muslim Brotherhood – continue running things.

The youth activists don’t want to run alongside old-regime “remnants,” such as former Arab League chief Amr Moussa, who is part of the NSF but who also served as a popular foreign minister under Mubarak.

News flash: Amr Moussa is not your “felool” problem. The majority of “felool” are still running the government. If you win the parliament, it will be open-season on kicking “felool” out of power. Stop worrying about Moussa: he’s clearly not a threat.

“It is really a miracle that we are still sitting together.” – Mohamed Abulghar, Social Democratic Party

No, the miracle will be the Muslim Brotherhood running Egypt completely into the ground and then winning more seats in parliament to continue running Egypt into the ground.

The liberal al-Wafd party wants to back out of calls for a single ticket and run on its own list entirely.

Knock yourselves out. Generally parties with no “soul” are useless in coalitions anyway. In fact, go repeat your brilliant strategic move from 2011 and join the Muslim Brotherhood’s political coalition again. Maybe they’ll “let” you win 5 or 6 seats so you can declare victory and keep pretending to be relevant.

And here is the kicker quote:

“I personally prefer to focus on January 25th because it was proved in this country in the last two years that nothing happens without the mobilization of huge masses of Egyptian citizens,” said Hussein Abdelghani, a spokesman for the National Salvation Front, arguing that previous protests had spurred cabinet reshuffles even though elections had brought the Islamists to power.

From the NSF spokesman? The one responsible for delivering the NSF message? Cabinet reshuffles? Just fire this guy.

Can’t you just hear the man on the street now? “Well, my wages are still low, my son can’t find work, my daughter’s school is miserable, and my wife can’t afford enough groceries, but ‘hamdullalah’, this Friday Morsi will be forced to reshuffle his cabinet again. Thank you NSF…”

Egypt’s rank-and-file leftist and liberal party members should rise up and just fire them all. They should dismiss the entire NSF leadership and appoint Mohammad Mostafa as the new NSF leader.

Who is Mohammad Mostafa you ask? The Washington Post described him as “a hotel worker in a run-down district of central Cairo” when he provide this spot-on analysis: “The opposition doesn’t go to elections, they don’t go out to the streets.”

If Mohammad Mostafa wants to do elections and hit the streets, then hire him. After all, he is the only one quoted in this piece who understands politics.